I Had a Profound Connection to Neville Marriner

RIP to My Personal Savior - Who I Never Met

RIP to My Personal Friend – Whom I’ve Never Met

I feel absolutely devastated upon learning of the death of Nevill Marriner. If I may indulge, I have a story about his music that probably saved me at a critical time of my life.

Back in the early 1970s, I was still a relatively young man and should have been insulated from the unfortunate burdens of life. However, that wasn’t the case, as my recollection of my childhood started with overhearing my parents talking about the diagnosis of breast cancer and the tearful conversation about “what are we going to do??” Although the conversation around my mother’s cancer always remained positive and upbeat, I never forgot the conversation and that there was probably something that they weren’t telling “the kids.” I believe that this event shaped many of the choices I made for myself for decades to come – I know, your childhood shapes many of the decisions that you make for decades, but this was a dark side of life that I was exposed to much too early, and in a way that left me to deal with it on my own. It’s not the subject matter for a little by to ponder upon. Nevertheless, that’s what I had, and however lacking in communication skills my family was, things rapidly closed down even further when news of the cancer arose. I was, essentially, alone. I was left to deal with being the youngest [and least informed] in a large family that didn’t communicate, especially when things weren’t going well. In my family culture, if it wasn’t funny or gross, you didn’t speak of it and it would go away. This included many important conversation that can definitely help a kid get along in life. That isn’t to say that I wasn’t educated in some of the more important things. I sew, do laundry (without destroying things), cook, clean, organize, show up on time, and can run a household. These are skills I realized, in college, that most people don’t get growing up. I could have used some advice on how to manage a friendship, how to talk to girls, and it would have helped if my sex education didn’t come from schoolyard gossip. I was pretty sure by the time I was in high school that having sex would turn you into a homeless pothead. I mean, respectable people talk of such things and babies “just happened.” I mean, I understood the mechanics, no thanks to “Our Bodies, Our Selves.” I have five older sisters. I can tell you that no boy, EVER should learn about women and sex from that book. Yup!!! I read it cover to cover because one of my sisters told me to. I knew about things that no man should know. Well, no boy should know. I didn’t ask a lot of questions, because my family didn’t talk about such things. You read a book filled with black and white pictures of things that are beyond the reach of a 10,000,000 color palette! The “mirror photo,” for lack of a better description, is permanently burned into my brain – 45 years later. So what does this have to do with Neville Marriner? You thought I got lost, but there needed to be some background.

I was a frightened, lonely little boy. Honestly, I think I was very well on the road to some healthy PTSD and a predisposition to anxiety disorder. There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t ponder “what will we do?” I didn’t know what that meant. Like, will we be sent away like the kids in WWII England. Yes, I did see “Bedknobs and Broomsticks” – might have been in the theater. Until my mother was gravely ill, she worked at the local theater and would let me in to watch movies for free until she got off of work. As an aside, I saw my first car chase in 1973 watching “The 7-Ups” for free. Nope, bet you never saw that one. It was a real piece of crap, but I liked it!!! With all of this stuff going on and nobody to talk to, things started to get, for lack of a better description from the perspective of a kid, weird. I was having dreams when I could sleep. I was afraid to sleep, and I had to share a bedroom with my father because I was the only other boy in the house and none of the girls would share a room with a boy. My room had a folding victrola on the bureau that was rarely used. I was in “my room” playing one evening when I decided to use it. I was adept at playing records. We had tons of records and my family were all involved in music in one way or another. I had heard LOTS of recordings of many different genres of music, but what was lying around was a new box set that was new and looked pretty. It just happened to be the first edition of the Neville Marriner recording of the complete Bach Brandenburg Concerto, with St. Martin in the Fields Orchestra. To this day, I don’t know who bought it or why it was brand new and just lying around my room. So, I stacked the records. It was a 2 LP boxed set with a long winded insert. And pushed the spring-loaded button to start the loading process, and then, something happened. I had never heard anything like it in my life. I didn’t know what I was hearing, but it took my mind away from what was “weird” in my life. I didn’t listen for long, as it put my directly to sleep. From that day on, when I didn’t feel right, I put on the records – didn’t matter where I dropped the needle. I tried to mix it up as to wear the record evenly. I played this set every night when I went to bed – for over 20 years! I wore out multiple sets, and no, only that particular recording did it. I tried others, but the period instruments made it sound “right.” I bought any recording with Neville Marriner and St. Martin in the Fields. I studied them and I don’t know why. I just loved the work that Marriner did with St. Martin in the Fields. When CDs came out, I would listen to the recordings with the sound turned all the way up so I could hear Marriner breathing his phrases with the orchestra. I don’t think I knew what he looked like until years after I had discovered his recordings. It didn’t matter, I just knew that the music took me from my life and made things make sense. I didn’t know Sir Neville Marriner, but I really felt like he did me a great favor in a time in my life where I needed a break. So, when I heard that Sir Neville Marriner passed away, I really did feel that I lost a mentor, friend, and companion who helped me through a rough time.

Moving Day

movingWell, it looks like the contract negotiations are coming to a close and an offer is on the table. We’re going into another wholesale move – meaning, everything we own is being boxed, moved, and unboxed. That’s okay. I think I have the system down by now. The good part is that the move is corporate sponsored, so all I have to do is babysit a bunch of sweaty men who smell like cigarettes and stale coffee. So, I said that we have the system down by now. What exactly does that mean? Here’s some advice for dealing with movers.

The number one thing that I’ve learned in being moved – which is by NO way anything like moving YOURSELF – is that you have to get to know your team. Think of it this way: These guys are going to be fondling EVERYTHING that you’ve owned, kept, considered valuable and treasured and nobody likes trusting intimate fondling to a stranger or, worse yet, an angry stranger. Treat them like houseguests. Invite them in and immediately ask them if they want a drink or some fresh, hot coffee. I always let them know that while they’re at my house, they are going to be fed. These guys live out of their trucks for most of the time they’re working and always appreciate a meal being handled for them. The other thing is that they don’t make a ton of money and they know that you’re paying a LOT more than they’ll ever see. As I’m sure all of us have experienced in our lives, that starts a worker out pissed off. If they feel like your guest and friend (you actually should TRY to genuinely be friendly, not just act it – they think that it patronizing, because it is). Obviously, cooking a 5-course, home-cooked meal isn’t really practical because, you know, they’re putting your shit in boxes, but it’s really easy to call in a pizza, run to the sandwich shop, or call in some Chinese food. Why would I feed these guys? I know, it’s disingenuous to give to people with your reciprocation in mind. You really have to do it for them, but there are a few things that you will probably get from them. First of all, you’ll probably be removing a burden from them. Yes, they bring their lunch sometimes, and after moving thousands of pounds of boxes, moving around, and being on their feet all day, that’s just “another thing” that has to be handled when they go home (back to the sterile hotel or back to the sleeper in the truck). Another benefit is that they will probably feel that they should take less time on break and more time working. I’ve never noticed guys taking long breaks when they’re happy. It helps if you eat with them. Hang out, it definitely won’t kill you. I’ve met some of the most pleasant people ever doing this, and at first sight, I would have taken them for a serial killer. People who “don’t look like you” are sometimes a little scary. NO, that wasn’t racist, I mean [for me] people who have tons of tattoos and have more hair than a gorilla – that type of “don’t look like you.”

Every time I’ve been moved, I feel like I’m just standing around. Believe me, they feel like that too. You’re in the way. You can do one of two things: do some work or stay out of their way. There’s a few things that are, for me, no brainers. The first one is to make sure that each packer has the drink that they need/want. Often, these guys are shy and will not tell you. Tell them that you’ll ask the other guys on the team if they don’t just tell you. Usually, they think that’s pretty clever, it gets a laugh, and then they tell you. Another thing to do is to make sure that garbage is getting collected and removed. If the movers are sloppy – they usually clean up after themselves at the end of the job – clean as they go. Usually, after a mover finishes up a room, I’ll go through and collect all of the empty tape rolls and pieces of paper and trash on the floors. Most movers will have a “garbage box” that they take off-site with them, so use that. You’ll have PLENTY of trash for the local garbage pickup to take. Don’t fill your bins with mover trash! If you see drink cans, cups, plates, anything, just trash it. When they go back to clean later, they’ll really appreciate the break. Remember though, stay out of their way. Don’t make them stop to let you work. Nobody wants that. Do it while they’re on break, fetching more empty boxes, smoking a cigarette, anything, but stay out of their way! I can’t emphasize that enough! When you’re not finding things to do, go have your mint julep. Let them know where you’ll be so they don’t have to “find you” when they need something or have a question, and stay available. That means not to get on a long, animated phone call with Aunt Tizzie. If they see you on the phone, they won’t bother you as easily. If you plan on being a social butterfly on the phone, then make sure you’re very clear with them that you are interruptible at ANY time and that they shouldn’t be shy. Make sure they know that their job is more important today than any of your things. They will appreciate the respect.

If you’re paying someone to move you, chances are that you’re doing better than they are, financially. Maybe not, but probably. Another thing about moving is that you start to realize that your life is buried in shit you don’t need or want anymore and that these things have just become invisible parts of your daily surroundings. If you’re going to give/throw stuff away, ask the movers if they want it or know anyone who may want it before you trash it or call your other well-to-do friends if they want it. Once when I was moving, I discovered a bunch of baby stuff in the attic above the garage. I really had forgotten that I had it at all. As they were bringing it down (another thing that they did for free because I was nice to them when they arrived), I noticed it. One of the guys had mentioned that his wife was pregnant for the first time and that they were due soon. This guy totally lit up when I offered him the stuff. He got a co-sleeper crib, 2 strollers, 2 brand new diaper bags, a ton of toys, and a giant pack-n-play with an umbrella attachment. It was easily $1000 of stuff. I thought about putting it in my truck and dropping it off at a second-hand store. I’m glad I talked to the guys when they arrived and had a coffee with them! Wow, the look on his face. I’ll never forget it. In another move, I had several pieces of furniture that I just didn’t want anymore. I asked the guys if they wanted it, but nobody could use it or get it back to where they were living. So, I put everything out on the curb for a couple of days. Some stuff went and some didn’t. At the end of the moveout, I had a GIANT pile of furniture on the curb and the local garbage company didn’t want to take it because the pieces were too big. Shit, I’m getting on a plane in 2 hours and can’t leave a cyclone at the curb. The movers were so relaxed and happy at the end, they said that they would load it on their truck and toss it in the dumpster at the main office. Seriously, being nice to these guys paid off in spades! I wasn’t what I was expecting from them, but sometimes, a little make-nice pays off.

One other thing that I started doing that worked out REALLY well was that they usually move the largest things last. And, if you live in a place where major appliances stay with the house, then you have even more reason to do this. I offer, rather, insist that they do their laundry while they’re working. If it’s a local move, most guys just go home at night, but if they’re traveling, it’s a real pain to have to take care of that stuff AFTER a long day at work. They threw everything in the washer and I dried it and folded it for them. They didn’t know what to say. They were so happy to not have to go to the laundromat. I mean, for me, it was nothing. I do laundry all day anyway.

I’ll cover a couple of questions you might have.
Doesn’t all of this stuff cost a lot of money? The last move that we did cost approximately $35k! I know that most people don’t have 5000+ square feet of house, but an average 3-bedroom, move with packing and no car carrier is about $4-5k. A standard pack crew is only 2-4 people. Chipotle for 4 people is under $50 – that’s on the high side for a meal and almost never provide 3 meals for the crew each day. So, it’s under, way under, $150 a day.
Do I still have to tip? If so, how much do I tip? As nice as it is to take care of your people, food isn’t cash. The food shows your crew that you like and respect them and that they’re welcomed into your home to fondle your valuables. And you do want it to be more of a “fondle” than a roughhousing. These people depend on the tip at the end of a job and you shouldn’t take into account that you “paid them partially in food” when it comes to the tip. The actual amount of the tip varies greatly and there is really no standard tip, but as far as I can see through pretty lazy research is that you tip anywhere between $20 per guy to 5% of the total move cost. I looked at that for my move and I couldn’t stomach upwards of $2k, so I gave $600 total tip. I know!!! It sounds like a LOT of money. I suggest that you budget that money at the beginning of the move. It really is part of the cost of the move. So, the protocol for tipping is that you tip each team member in private, in person. You do not tip the foreman and have him distribute it. I like that idea, because on the last move I did, two of the movers were outstanding and the other two were kind of sloppy and lazy. I gave $200 to the really good guys and I gave $100 to the lazier ones. Fortunately, the two really good ones were a team (they’ve been driving the same truck together for years) and were a little pissed about the other two guys, so I was able to tell them that they got more of a tip and to please not discuss it with the other guys so they didn’t feel shorted. I guess it was slimy, but I didn’t want butthurt, and I certainly felt that the better workers got a better tip. In most of my moves, I had to tip on both sides because the trailer was driven half way to its destination and handed off to another driver to take it to the final destination. It’s pretty standard in long-distance moves.
Do I have to tip the delivery/unload/unpack team? Yes, definitely. The only difference is that I tip them less as they do much less work. I still feed them and take care of them as house guests. In several of my moves, the unpack wasn’t included in the cost, but because I treated the team so nicely, they spent their spare time at the end of the gig unpacking boxes. Trust me, when you have 4 guys unpacking who have NO emotional attachment to the stuff that’s in the boxes, they go really fast. Besides, they take the paper and empty boxes with them. I could write a freaking book on the empty box and paper issue! I’m not getting into it here.
Which, is where I leave this diatribe of my thoughts: what do I get from all of this? After all, you’re paying these guys and people should do their jobs and STFU, right? Sort of, I mean, they’re hired to do a job, period. On the other hand, everyone wants to feel special. I know they get paid, but their pay doesn’t make them special, you do. I guarantee that people who feel like they’re helping a friend are much more likely to do you favors, take extra care with their work, get along with each other, and do a generally better job in every way. Most of the time, the crews will arrive early because they have bagels, coffee, and donuts waiting for them. Yes, I tell them at the end of the first day that breakfast is at “x” and what will they want.

 

Why Do We Need God to Go Back to School?

SchooligionThere’s been quite a buzz out there in cyber-land about getting God “back in school.” To me, it occurred to ask, “Did he quit, was he ejected, or did he just fail out because he got it all wrong?” [BTW, I wasn’t struck by lightning or crushed by a meteor for saying that – He’s got a sense of humor. Yeah, someone had to create humor.] I mean, it’s practically impossible to learn anything new if you already know everything. Believe me, I went through my entire teenage years knowing everything and I didn’t learn anything for almost a decade! Seriously though, we live in a country that was founded almost primarily on religious freedom (I’ll get to that soon). So, putting God in school would be contrary to that, because not every religion sees God as their deity – or deities. Really, what I’ve been led to understand is that those who want God in school are looking for their version of God in their school and that everyone else should allow them to proselytize the gospel of “if I don’t like it, then you’re not religious enough.” Frankly, what I’ve really noticed is that when people say that we need to let God back in school, they really mean that they want Christian values taught in school. Wow, schools are for teaching children things like reading and writing. You get your values primarily from your upbringing (parents).

Before I go off, I want to just say that if I refer to God as He, it’s just like saying mankind, it’s just a word. Personally I do think God is a male because, insofar as the scriptures are concerned, God did a lot of things that only a guy would do. That’s not a topic for this post. I’ll have to get to that later. In the United States, freedom of religion is a constitutionally guaranteed right provided in the religion clauses of the First Amendment. Specifically, the only regulations that would take place over religion would be to ban such religious practices as human sacrifice or self-immolation. There have been some amendments that also specify that there is to be no preferred religion either. Nowhere in the first amendment does it mention that a religion is specific to God, per se. In short, if you’re asking to put God in school, you’re asking to change one of our most fundamental rights. It is, after all, the first amendment to our constitution. To be clear, and this is why, perhaps, people may be confused as to why God is not permitted in public learning institutions, it wasn’t until 1925 when the Bill of Rights was “incorporated” to include all states, that it was official that the Bill of Rights applied to all states. Originally, the Bill of Rights was implied for all laws, but interpreted more narrowly to apply only to laws enacted by congress. That wasn’t the intention of the BOR, but needed to go through legal channels to be more clearly and decisively disseminated. Either way, it’s clear that our religious beliefs are to be coveted as basic freedoms. It would be just as bad to put religion in public schools as it would be to make a law that says you can’t say that you love Jesus. Yes, there are laws that limit your free speech. You can’t shout, “fire,” when there isn’t one and you can’t verbally threaten to hurt another. Yes, you have free speech, but there are consequences. So, you’re not disallowed to tell someone you love Jesus or God, but you aren’t allowed to tell someone how, when, where, and why you do unless you are in an appropriate venue for that. Incidentally, that’s just about everywhere and at any time, so don’t go thinking that you’re being picked on because of your religious beliefs. You’re being protected, and have been since the very beginning – and that’s why we don’t want religion in schools.

So, what of it? I mean this God in school thing. Do you think that having God in schools will help our children learn? Do you think it will help them to be safer in school? Do you think that the teachers will be happier and be able to teach more effectively? Listen, religion doesn’t make you smarter, learning makes you smarter. Private school kids tend to do better because people who pay for school are just more involved and put a higher priority on education. I went to Catholic school. I learned because I was afraid of the consequences of not learning. And yes, it makes you want to do bad things. It’s not the topic of this article, but it’s true. You can’t scare a person into behaving. You can only scare them into behaving for you. Seriously, if you think religious environments are safe, you can start by asking the children that have been abused by the clergy how safe that environment is. And, while we’re at it, I will just refer back to scaring people into behaving: God wasn’t able to scare them enough to not molest children. I mean, how vicious can you get as a guardian. After all, God did essentially wipe out the entire world with a flood because people weren’t behaving. That’s a bit harsh for an omnipotent being who technically, could have just fixed it and not have to kill everyone to start over again. You know, omnipotent, unlimited power, able to do anything – I’m just going by the definition of the word and what the bible says. I’m also not here to make fun of your beliefs. Trust me, I have lots of my own, and I care not to discuss them with you. I get blank stares from my family and friends. Not that they’re crazy, they’re just, well, mine!

Religion in school isn’t going to stop the terrible things in school. If you really want to go toe-to-toe, I’ll tell you that most, if not all, of the most terrible things that have happened in this world in the last 2000 years have been driven by religion. I can’t name one time where there was a war started by atheists because the “other guys” weren’t heathen enough. And guess what, those guys who flew planes into the World Trade Center thought that they were doing God’s highest duty – eliminate the infidels!

It would be a great idea if we could spend a little more time in our education system teaching children about ethics and justice. It might be helpful if we were able to teach in more gentile ways. But I think it’s much more important to send your child to school with a sense of morals and ethics that we the parents teach them. It’s not a teacher’s job (you know they’re called teachers) to instill values in their lessons. They’re there to help children learn, and hopefully, if they’re really special people, help the student learn to love learning. I’ve had hundreds of teachers in my life, but I only really remember a handful. Those were the people who fired my imagination and taught me to love learning. With a solid love of learning, you have no limits for smarts, but you might not have any ethics or morals. If you want religion in schools, teach it at home. Teach your children to love learning about spirituality and the robust history and moral lessons of The Bible, Qur’an, Gnostic texts, anything, just help them get enjoyment and excitement from it or they will resist it. Frighten them with it, and they will rebel. What you teach at home will follow your children everywhere they go. Even in countries where you are forbidden to have any religion at all, what’s in your heart and mind can NEVER be taken away. So, God is only in school if you say it is. If it’s not, then you must not be bringing Him with you. Nobody can check your bag for God, so you’re free to take Him with you anywhere you’d like. It’s one of your most basic rights as an American.

The weather has forced me into moral bankruptcy

Those of you who know me know that I hate to wear pants. I will go in shorts well into the winter and will hit the shorts as early in spring as possible. I thought that starting into shorts in May was totally reasonable, well up in Chicago it is apparently not a good idea. Shorts and t-shirts are like a religion to me, so when I switch, it’s like a promise to the holy trinity. Today broke me. I got up and it was raining and 36 degrees with a very stiff wind. I made it through the morning in shorts, but after working on the windows and taking a shower, I was too cold to carry on my religious crusade. The weather had gotten me and I gave way to the evil blue jeans!

The local community pool opens this weekend and everyone is excited about starting the season. How could they possibly get an outdoor pool to a swimmable temperature with the outdoor temperature in the 30 and the wind at 20 mph. I think there’s going to be a lot of disappointed, entitled Highland Park moms asking them why they can’t control the weather better in the district. It is a really nice pool though. It’s got a big pot that fills and spills and lots of squirt-ey things and 2 giant water slides. A good friend of ours brought the kids with her and her children just after we moved here. I, on the other hand, have a CPO certification and know way too much about pools. I honestly won’t swim in a public pool. Too many dirty asses out there and every one of them that goes swimming leaves a little of that for me to swim in. If I want shit in my face that bad, I’ll rub my face in my dog’s ass. No strangers’ poop for me today, thank you!

It’s official now. I incorporated last week and I am now legally RentAZack.com, Inc. Home improvement extraordinaire! It was a long road to get it all going, but I have it done. Now I have to get some customers and get some income! I can’t wait! It’s been so long since I’ve done this kind of work for profit. I’ve done probably $20k worth of work for free around my house and still am only half done. It’s hard to stay on task when you’re not getting any money for it. I’m just not inspired when the work is free.

Okay, one more thing…

I’m getting comments and suggestions from people I don’t know and have never heard of before.  Are there people out there that just read other’s blogs?  Trust me guys, I’m not doing this for your entertainment.  I just want a place to poop out my thoughts.  I don’t remember anything from day to day and finally found a place that I could go to write that didn’t get lost or make my hands sore (I hate “writing” things down, but I’ll type all day long).

Here’s my message to those of you who feel the impulse to comment on my blog:

  • Have a blast!  I’m really not very interesting, though.
  • Don’t suggest how I should write because I’m just doing this off-the-cuff for myself and my family to stay connected to my day-to-day life.  I don’t really care, but love that you’re interested in what I’m saying.  I never thought anybody would give a crap about my jabber.
  • Don’t question my logic – I’m just stream-of-consciousness typing here.  It might not even make sense to me later, but at least I can see what I was thinking “back then.”
  • I got lots of grades (mostly bad) in school; please try not to grade my “hobby.”
  • Please don’t advertise to me.
  • Please enjoy yourself…no bad juju on my site!  🙂  Come here for fun! That’s why I’m here.

Went to see Howard Schultz speak!

Shayna and I were invited to the Chicago Economic Club to hear the CEO of Starbucks speak tonight. It’s nice to have a night out, but he was amazing to listen to even though we had to be in a big space with a b’zillion other people (and I had to wear a tux). Shayna looked like a freaking model! Okay, so I get a benefit for wearing a tux.

We have the best babysitter. She had both kids asleep by the time we got home. Life is good!